Good Bye and all that...

Good Bye and all that....

I thought I'd be okay,
Thought I could just stop by,
Pick up the last of my stuff,
From our hostel-room,
Wave goodbye and leave
With a smile on my face.
Thought I had come to accept
My new life without you in it.
Then you opened the door
And I felt this happiness veneer
I had created, crack wide open
And for a split second I wanted
To beg you, to let me stay.
I didn't, though,
Just plastered on a fake smile
And feigned indifference, or tried.
I thought I could brag about
How great my life was going,
How good were the old couple
with whom I stay and their house,
My new college, new friends, etc...
Make you regret pushing me away.
But when you asked how I was,
All I could say was 'Fine. Just Fine.'
Funny, how that lie
Just tripped off my tongue.
I wanted to say I missed you,
That I feel lost,  scared
And uncertain .
Things I didn't realize I felt
Until I saw you again.
I could tell
You felt as awkward as I.
I hate that the most,
Loosing the comraderie between us,
Turning into strangers, again.
Months of a life shared, now over.
I know, we're lucky,
No ugly scenes, no screaming matches
No trashing each other, ripping each other up.
Just the click of a door closing,
And nothing left to say.

-Portia Burton

(about the painting: 'Two Girls' - by Tamara Lempicka)