28/11/2011
26/11/2011
25/11/2011
24/11/2011
23/11/2011
21/11/2011
20/11/2011
16/11/2011
THE STRUGGLE WITHIN
THE STRUGGLE WITHIN
Nobody is perfect, at least I am not. I have my own deficiencies, drawbacks, faults and past mistakes. But I try to hide all these negative things deep within myself. I try to bury them in the hope that they would die. But they don't and come back to haunt me again and again. My past keeps intruding in my present. Then there are those hurts. Some trifling things. which were fun when they happened, were distorted and villainishly used against me,causing me great harm and then I was made to feel guilty about them. I tried to shrug off and then bury that feeling of unjust guilt in the deepest corner of my heart, yet it eats me continuously.
My 'guide' told me to hang out my guilt complexes, my frustrations, my anger, my unrequited love, the hurts I have suffered at the hands of others and then , according to him,I will feel better.
But it is so difficult and almost impossible to do so, especially for a girl like me who has been conditioned from childhood to follow a particular way of social behaviour, even to the extent of at what angle you should put your fork and knife after having your dinner and how a 'social drink' should be sipped! I've been trained to maintain my 'British' stiff upper lip and maintain a dignified silence about my hurts and emotions.
It is not that I didn't try. I tried to break all these 'shackles' and get 'liberated' by aping my 'funky' college friends. I adopted their mannerism,their slang language, their way of dressing and even drank heavily and partied hard late in night with them. But all the time my 'inner' Portia gnawed at me, scolding me and reminding me of my 'pedigree'. This tussle between the external and inner Portia became so intense that 'both' Portias got almost devastated.
Then came the phase of withdrawal. withdrawal from everything, even to some extent from myself, becoming a turtle, growing a hard shell like it and cringing in that shell.
But that too didn't help much. So, in came a 'guide'. He held many 'guidance sessions', hammering into me,''Don't just feel 'okay', you have to feel absolutely 'Great' about yourself. You have to come to terms with your troubled past."
....,.I tried but couldn't succeed. Because something happens. Somebody reminds me of some past thing and that ghost raises his head again and starts haunting me.
..........,.I just wonder, instead of asking a person to come to terms with his past, why don't we ourselves forget or ignore his past and accept him as he is now? Aren't some things best left unsaid?
I have now realised why my mother isn't fond of 'keepsake' photos. She says that such photos keep us tied to the past and we usually remember hurtful things more than the pleasant things and allow our past to muddle our present. I also now realise that it is better to keep some things of past away from your loved ones and move ahead with the present.What is done is done.
....PORTIA
Nobody is perfect, at least I am not. I have my own deficiencies, drawbacks, faults and past mistakes. But I try to hide all these negative things deep within myself. I try to bury them in the hope that they would die. But they don't and come back to haunt me again and again. My past keeps intruding in my present. Then there are those hurts. Some trifling things. which were fun when they happened, were distorted and villainishly used against me,causing me great harm and then I was made to feel guilty about them. I tried to shrug off and then bury that feeling of unjust guilt in the deepest corner of my heart, yet it eats me continuously.
My 'guide' told me to hang out my guilt complexes, my frustrations, my anger, my unrequited love, the hurts I have suffered at the hands of others and then , according to him,I will feel better.
But it is so difficult and almost impossible to do so, especially for a girl like me who has been conditioned from childhood to follow a particular way of social behaviour, even to the extent of at what angle you should put your fork and knife after having your dinner and how a 'social drink' should be sipped! I've been trained to maintain my 'British' stiff upper lip and maintain a dignified silence about my hurts and emotions.
It is not that I didn't try. I tried to break all these 'shackles' and get 'liberated' by aping my 'funky' college friends. I adopted their mannerism,their slang language, their way of dressing and even drank heavily and partied hard late in night with them. But all the time my 'inner' Portia gnawed at me, scolding me and reminding me of my 'pedigree'. This tussle between the external and inner Portia became so intense that 'both' Portias got almost devastated.
Then came the phase of withdrawal. withdrawal from everything, even to some extent from myself, becoming a turtle, growing a hard shell like it and cringing in that shell.
But that too didn't help much. So, in came a 'guide'. He held many 'guidance sessions', hammering into me,''Don't just feel 'okay', you have to feel absolutely 'Great' about yourself. You have to come to terms with your troubled past."
....,.I tried but couldn't succeed. Because something happens. Somebody reminds me of some past thing and that ghost raises his head again and starts haunting me.
..........,.I just wonder, instead of asking a person to come to terms with his past, why don't we ourselves forget or ignore his past and accept him as he is now? Aren't some things best left unsaid?
I have now realised why my mother isn't fond of 'keepsake' photos. She says that such photos keep us tied to the past and we usually remember hurtful things more than the pleasant things and allow our past to muddle our present. I also now realise that it is better to keep some things of past away from your loved ones and move ahead with the present.What is done is done.
....PORTIA
15/11/2011
THAT EVENING IN SIRMIONE,ITALY
THAT EVENING IN SIRMIONE, ITALY.....
Dear Friends,
you've already read my travelogues about Brescia, Sirmione, Verona, Venice and Paris.
Oh, I can't believe myself that I saw all these wonderful places in just ten days! But there is a border of some regret to this rich tapestry of my joy. I had no company while I was enjoying these breathtaking places since all my five colleagues were old and not interested in site-seeing, having seen these and other places many times.
My mom rightly says,'joy is increased and sorrow is decreased by sharing'. I had no one there to share my joy of being in a semi-paradise, and felt my loneliness the most while I was seating near 'Lake Garda' in Sirmione.Then I missed someone very special the most and it brought tears to my eyes. I just sat there looking at the tranquil lake, the incoming dusk, and a lonesome tree and wept silently in rememberance..
My mute sobs then took the form of a poem.
As I shared my joy of this wonderful tour with you, let me now share my tears of loneliness also with you.
When to the blue of the yonder sky
A tint of dusk was added,
I remembered you, my beloved.
When from that lonesome tree
A flock of birds hastily fled,
I remembered you, my beloved.
When from the ripples of that 'lake Garda'
I heard as if a song of a mermaid,
I remembered you, my beloved.
Though all the while my heart was telling,
'This is a fantasy,don't get misled',
Yet I remembered you, my beloved.
Then from nowhere a feather came,
And lightly alighted on my head,
Perhaps you remembered me, my beloved?
....PORTIA
P.S.
I give here a map of that beautiful land-locked 'Lake Garda' and you will see how that 'Sirmione' is so prettily placed!
Dear Friends,
you've already read my travelogues about Brescia, Sirmione, Verona, Venice and Paris.
Oh, I can't believe myself that I saw all these wonderful places in just ten days! But there is a border of some regret to this rich tapestry of my joy. I had no company while I was enjoying these breathtaking places since all my five colleagues were old and not interested in site-seeing, having seen these and other places many times.
My mom rightly says,'joy is increased and sorrow is decreased by sharing'. I had no one there to share my joy of being in a semi-paradise, and felt my loneliness the most while I was seating near 'Lake Garda' in Sirmione.Then I missed someone very special the most and it brought tears to my eyes. I just sat there looking at the tranquil lake, the incoming dusk, and a lonesome tree and wept silently in rememberance..
My mute sobs then took the form of a poem.
As I shared my joy of this wonderful tour with you, let me now share my tears of loneliness also with you.
When to the blue of the yonder sky
A tint of dusk was added,
I remembered you, my beloved.
When from that lonesome tree
A flock of birds hastily fled,
I remembered you, my beloved.
When from the ripples of that 'lake Garda'
I heard as if a song of a mermaid,
I remembered you, my beloved.
Though all the while my heart was telling,
'This is a fantasy,don't get misled',
Yet I remembered you, my beloved.
Then from nowhere a feather came,
And lightly alighted on my head,
Perhaps you remembered me, my beloved?
....PORTIA
P.S.
I give here a map of that beautiful land-locked 'Lake Garda' and you will see how that 'Sirmione' is so prettily placed!
............PORTIA
12/11/2011
09/11/2011
PARIS- The Treasure Of Louvre
PARIS : THE TREASURE OF LOUVRE
Dear Friends,
I am posting some of the photos taken by me while taking a tour of the Louvre museum.
If you like these photos I'd be thankful and if you think some photos haven't been taken properly I may please be pardoned. But I hope, you will share my joy in taking them.
1. PAINTINGS:
Coronation of Napolian
SCULPTURES:
Sphinx (In Egyptian section)
Adieu, Eiffel Tower! Adieu, PARIS!!
Dear friends,
Thank you for being patient with me.
Have a nice time!!
...PORTIA
Dear Friends,
I am posting some of the photos taken by me while taking a tour of the Louvre museum.
If you like these photos I'd be thankful and if you think some photos haven't been taken properly I may please be pardoned. But I hope, you will share my joy in taking them.
1. PAINTINGS:
SCULPTURES:
Dear friends,
Thank you for being patient with me.
Have a nice time!!
TRAVELOGUE:PARIS
TRAVELOGUE: PARIS
Actually after visiting Venice I was so fulfilled that I should have headed straight to London but I had already booked flights to Paris and from Paris to London. I wanted to spend my Saturday in Paris, especially at Louvre. Accordingly I had already booked for a day's stay at 'Timhotel' near Louvre.
So I landed in Paris on Saturday morning. 'Timhotel' has a number of hotels at various locations in Paris.I was luckey to have selected their hotel near 'Louvre'.It's a beautiful hotel with a spacious inner courtyard and just across the Louvre museum. Being centrally located,it is at a walking distance from some main Paris attractions.Moreover,it is easy on your purse!
After breakfast I headed straight to Louvre.As usual there was a large crowd of tourists but the receptionist liked my smile and gave me the entry pass in a few seconds.Louvre is a great enchanter. You just don't know how hours fly quickly in its various gallerries.And then they allow you to take photos which adds to your madness.In any art museum I always feel like a child in a chocolate shop!
Here are some of the photos taken by me in and around Louvre:
Louvre
inside Louvre
Please don't have much expectations about Mona Lisa's painting.It is beautiful but small,not much larger than a regular family portrait one might have put on a living room wall. Then, it is behind a very thick glass and in the doorway of a huge steel vault.
the Pyramids in Louvre courtyard.
A Dying Slave-by Michelangelo, Louvre
Venus de'Arles, Louvre
Psyche revived by Cupid's kiss-a close-up.
Victory of Samothrace,190 B. C. Louvre
A war-scene, Louvre
Notre dame, Paris
Notre Dame
This time I didn't go to the top of the tower.The view from the top is mind -blowing. The people seem like ants and that fills you up with a sense of worthlessness. Hence I avoid going to the top of Eiffel. Then, I am a little afraid of heights.
The Arch of Triumph, Paris
Seine River
A street view, paris
Canal; Saint Martin, Paris
Oh, I have taken so many photos since the day was exceptionally nice and bright! I will better post photos taken in Louvre of paintings and sculptures in another blogpost.
Till then ,Adieu!!
.........PORTIA
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