Oh,Is this Love? ( part one)
He himself made friendship with me and strengthened it further.I too liked him and to be his friend. our friendship grew by each passing day and we became close friends.I started trusting him and sharing all my thoughts with him.Our interests were similar, so we started attending events,functions,concerts together.We even saw movies together. In short,we became inseperable and people around us started thinking about us as a pair.Due to this proximity I fell in love with him.. I took his coldness on that account as a sign of restraint and watchfulness. This made me to love and respect him more.
....Then after about six months he threw a bomb on me saying,"Don't fall in love with me!"
I was shocked and perturbed. I just kept looking at his face which had grown stern all of a sudden.
He said further,"If you are in love with me,tell me now.then it would be better for us to part ways.I don't want to be entangled in the mesh called 'love'".
I was dumbstuck.What was he saying? why was he saying so? what made him to say so? What does he mean exactly? If he was going to say this,then why did he came so close to me? Why did he become my friend? How could he be so cruel afterchatting with me all these days most pleasantly and lovingly? Why did he give me those lovely gifts?
Then without looking at me,he added,"If you are in love with me you will suffer,but it won't matter to me. Since I was never in love with you,I will remain unscathed.however,we still can be good friends. Think over it. Bye now. Let me know. Take care."
Then without the customary handshake, he turned and left.
I was stunned by this sudden and unexpected shock. I tried to hold back my tears. A lump in the throat had alredy made me speechless. But my anguished mind was busy in analysing the situation.
What exactly is Love? Should his all signals,sweet talk,sharing things and our mutual urge to seek each other out for chatting for hours be termed as love? Should the way we missed each other even if we didn't meet for only two days be termed as love? But then what about this sudden change in his behaviour,his rude warning?
I realised that he never loved me and my love for him was a one-sided affair. I was knowing him in a different light now and the glare of this reality blurred his earlier image in my mind. I started analysing my feelings for him.Then I realised that I had fallen in love with him not as a womanly attraction for him. I loved him because our likings were similar and he understood me quite easily.I had fallen in love with him because he was living life in the way in which I wanted to live life,he was doing those things which I myself wanted to do,and I found him to be a person with whom I could make the journey of life.He was my boyfriend,my girlfriend,my brother,my elder,my living diary...and many times nobody of me.I never wanted anything from him in return.I just thought him to be a part of me.
this realisation cleared away all the dark clouds from my mind. Now there were no tears in my eyes. Now I could face him with the same ease as before. So I saught him out and told him what exactly was my love for him. He listened and then relaxed.A smile crossed his lips.He said,"Yes,you are right.You see,we both are so young to grasp the whole meaning and gravity of love.I had become afraid because I had started thinking about you sexually and loathed myself for it. For me you are most precious and I want no harm should come to you. So the very realisation that I myself may harm you out of my sexuality made me to distance myself away from you. But now we can really be good and true friends. However,even now both of us can not define correctly this friendship and this bond of ours."
I smiled and said,"To tell you the truth,this inability is in itself wonderful. It will lead us to explore the intricrate thing called love and belonging to somebody in proper perspective.'
he then shook my hand and we went our different ways.
(to be continued.....)
-PORTIA.
***************
He himself made friendship with me and strengthened it further.I too liked him and to be his friend. our friendship grew by each passing day and we became close friends.I started trusting him and sharing all my thoughts with him.Our interests were similar, so we started attending events,functions,concerts together.We even saw movies together. In short,we became inseperable and people around us started thinking about us as a pair.Due to this proximity I fell in love with him.. I took his coldness on that account as a sign of restraint and watchfulness. This made me to love and respect him more.
....Then after about six months he threw a bomb on me saying,"Don't fall in love with me!"
I was shocked and perturbed. I just kept looking at his face which had grown stern all of a sudden.
He said further,"If you are in love with me,tell me now.then it would be better for us to part ways.I don't want to be entangled in the mesh called 'love'".
I was dumbstuck.What was he saying? why was he saying so? what made him to say so? What does he mean exactly? If he was going to say this,then why did he came so close to me? Why did he become my friend? How could he be so cruel afterchatting with me all these days most pleasantly and lovingly? Why did he give me those lovely gifts?
Then without looking at me,he added,"If you are in love with me you will suffer,but it won't matter to me. Since I was never in love with you,I will remain unscathed.however,we still can be good friends. Think over it. Bye now. Let me know. Take care."
Then without the customary handshake, he turned and left.
I was stunned by this sudden and unexpected shock. I tried to hold back my tears. A lump in the throat had alredy made me speechless. But my anguished mind was busy in analysing the situation.
What exactly is Love? Should his all signals,sweet talk,sharing things and our mutual urge to seek each other out for chatting for hours be termed as love? Should the way we missed each other even if we didn't meet for only two days be termed as love? But then what about this sudden change in his behaviour,his rude warning?
I realised that he never loved me and my love for him was a one-sided affair. I was knowing him in a different light now and the glare of this reality blurred his earlier image in my mind. I started analysing my feelings for him.Then I realised that I had fallen in love with him not as a womanly attraction for him. I loved him because our likings were similar and he understood me quite easily.I had fallen in love with him because he was living life in the way in which I wanted to live life,he was doing those things which I myself wanted to do,and I found him to be a person with whom I could make the journey of life.He was my boyfriend,my girlfriend,my brother,my elder,my living diary...and many times nobody of me.I never wanted anything from him in return.I just thought him to be a part of me.
this realisation cleared away all the dark clouds from my mind. Now there were no tears in my eyes. Now I could face him with the same ease as before. So I saught him out and told him what exactly was my love for him. He listened and then relaxed.A smile crossed his lips.He said,"Yes,you are right.You see,we both are so young to grasp the whole meaning and gravity of love.I had become afraid because I had started thinking about you sexually and loathed myself for it. For me you are most precious and I want no harm should come to you. So the very realisation that I myself may harm you out of my sexuality made me to distance myself away from you. But now we can really be good and true friends. However,even now both of us can not define correctly this friendship and this bond of ours."
I smiled and said,"To tell you the truth,this inability is in itself wonderful. It will lead us to explore the intricrate thing called love and belonging to somebody in proper perspective.'
he then shook my hand and we went our different ways.
(to be continued.....)
-PORTIA.
***************
You almost made me drenched out of my tears! :) This write-up is meaningfully an abyss with a soul touching quality.
ReplyDeletehey my dear posh,
ReplyDeletei m shocked to know tht once upon a time u had som relation coz hitherto i assumed tht ur amorous aatitude towards other z just a case bt now i knw d exact reason.hey i miss u a lot.a fool can nevr handle somthn as sophesticated human being lik u.a diamond cutter can only undersatnd d value of a diamond not the one who z a simple layman.it z good tht ur not wid him.he z a jerk.i m happy for u coz now atleast ur happy.falling in love z easy bt getting out from its assault z very hard.