LET YOUR HEART BREATHE FREE!
The other day, when I was sitting with my mom in a hotel,to my surprise John walked in with a girl(probably his fiancee).Our eyes met and I involuntarily squirmed a little in my seat.His face too registered a change but he somehow brought a smile to his lips.He straightway came to our table and exchanged greetings first with my mom and then with me.He then introduced his girlfriend to my mom and then headed towards their table.I could understand his care of introducing us as old neighbours and not exchanging much words with me. he clearly did not want his girlfriend to have other ideas.
When they left, my mom exchanged a glance with me.But by now I was composed, so I just smiled back to her.She was much more relieved than me.
......That evening all those past days' memories flooded back to me.John was my first love. We were together almost for about eight months.I loved him from my heart but for him love was supposed to be expressed physically too! I was not prepared for that.For me sex was a very serious committment and I wanted our love to mature more to reach that stage. This put off John and in a fit of rage he broke off our relationship.
This devastated me so much that I even contamplated committing suicide.Just about the same time my friend Sara had also been ditched by her boyfriend. But to my surprise,she had taken it so lightly like dusting her palms and walking on to a new tie! My mom always treated Sara like her other daughter. She too was worried at first for her but then seeing that the break-up hadn't mattered much to Sara,she was also surprised. However, she soon started appreciating Sara's matter of fact attitude and indirectly asked me to follow Sara's example.But I was too engulfed in my grief to listen to her.
Since it was a torture for me to see John going on happily with his life and even exchanging a casual hello with me asif nothing had happened,I took up a job at a far away place to be away from him and all those places related to our pleasant days.As usual,my mom didn't say a word to me,except for saying,"Take care".
But after some days I received a letter from her.That letter helped me to overcome my gloominess and grief and till this day I have kept it with me as a treasure.I would like to share it with you:
My mother had written,"Dear Posh,though I didn't object, your decision to go away to a different country didn't make me happy.I never expected that my daughter would run away from herself in this way.I thought you to be a brave person.Well,at least now face the problem squarely.You must realize that you had given too much importance to that relationship.
"We give much importance to our expectations from a relationship. When in love, we focus all our energies and attention on the loved one. This slowly but surely suffocates that relationship.
"Must love be such an all-encompassing emotion?Must it mean to own the loved one? This kind of obsessive love leads inexorably towards destruction. An all-cosumming passion destroys those affected totally!What did the famous 'star-crossed lovers' Romeo and Juliet achieve except to be eternal symbols of all-consumming, self-destructive love?
"so, why destroy all the ephemeral pleasures in the hope of an elusive, unreal,everlasting love? Why become possessive only to suffocate a beautiful relationship? We should realize that all our dreams and expectations can never be fulfilled just from one love relationship. Nobody today can owe total allegience to you or your concern and then a relationship based on certain demands will always prove to be fatal and should be cut off immediately.
"And so, instead of bemoaning what we can not get out of a love relationship, let us celebrate what we do get! it doesn't matter if you have to share your loved one's love with others. Just enjoy your share if you really love that person.What matters is your love for that person. then even some moments of happiness shared with him or her are enough to enrich your life."
This letter lifted a heavy load of sorrow and self-loathing from my mind .
I rushed back to London to hug my mother.Now I could move about my neighbourhood with my chin up and could also return John's casual 'hello'.....
-PORTIA
The other day, when I was sitting with my mom in a hotel,to my surprise John walked in with a girl(probably his fiancee).Our eyes met and I involuntarily squirmed a little in my seat.His face too registered a change but he somehow brought a smile to his lips.He straightway came to our table and exchanged greetings first with my mom and then with me.He then introduced his girlfriend to my mom and then headed towards their table.I could understand his care of introducing us as old neighbours and not exchanging much words with me. he clearly did not want his girlfriend to have other ideas.
When they left, my mom exchanged a glance with me.But by now I was composed, so I just smiled back to her.She was much more relieved than me.
......That evening all those past days' memories flooded back to me.John was my first love. We were together almost for about eight months.I loved him from my heart but for him love was supposed to be expressed physically too! I was not prepared for that.For me sex was a very serious committment and I wanted our love to mature more to reach that stage. This put off John and in a fit of rage he broke off our relationship.
This devastated me so much that I even contamplated committing suicide.Just about the same time my friend Sara had also been ditched by her boyfriend. But to my surprise,she had taken it so lightly like dusting her palms and walking on to a new tie! My mom always treated Sara like her other daughter. She too was worried at first for her but then seeing that the break-up hadn't mattered much to Sara,she was also surprised. However, she soon started appreciating Sara's matter of fact attitude and indirectly asked me to follow Sara's example.But I was too engulfed in my grief to listen to her.
Since it was a torture for me to see John going on happily with his life and even exchanging a casual hello with me asif nothing had happened,I took up a job at a far away place to be away from him and all those places related to our pleasant days.As usual,my mom didn't say a word to me,except for saying,"Take care".
But after some days I received a letter from her.That letter helped me to overcome my gloominess and grief and till this day I have kept it with me as a treasure.I would like to share it with you:
My mother had written,"Dear Posh,though I didn't object, your decision to go away to a different country didn't make me happy.I never expected that my daughter would run away from herself in this way.I thought you to be a brave person.Well,at least now face the problem squarely.You must realize that you had given too much importance to that relationship.
"We give much importance to our expectations from a relationship. When in love, we focus all our energies and attention on the loved one. This slowly but surely suffocates that relationship.
"Must love be such an all-encompassing emotion?Must it mean to own the loved one? This kind of obsessive love leads inexorably towards destruction. An all-cosumming passion destroys those affected totally!What did the famous 'star-crossed lovers' Romeo and Juliet achieve except to be eternal symbols of all-consumming, self-destructive love?
"so, why destroy all the ephemeral pleasures in the hope of an elusive, unreal,everlasting love? Why become possessive only to suffocate a beautiful relationship? We should realize that all our dreams and expectations can never be fulfilled just from one love relationship. Nobody today can owe total allegience to you or your concern and then a relationship based on certain demands will always prove to be fatal and should be cut off immediately.
"And so, instead of bemoaning what we can not get out of a love relationship, let us celebrate what we do get! it doesn't matter if you have to share your loved one's love with others. Just enjoy your share if you really love that person.What matters is your love for that person. then even some moments of happiness shared with him or her are enough to enrich your life."
This letter lifted a heavy load of sorrow and self-loathing from my mind .
I rushed back to London to hug my mother.Now I could move about my neighbourhood with my chin up and could also return John's casual 'hello'.....
-PORTIA
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