MY OWN SPACE
Everybody wants to have a space of his own,to fly in it whenever wanted,to go away from this mad,mad world, to break away from all the shackles and be free! A space which is only yours and which gives you the real comfortable feeling,where you can have a dialogue with yourself. There you won't have to wear a mask which you usually put on while facing the world full of pretences and filmsy formalities. There you can be real you and be honest with yourself.
But,alas!That space doesn't easily come in your arms how much you may spread them wide! Then your heart sulks in itself and tries to find even a tiny square of sky through a window.
This urge to have some space of your own is but natural and starts expressing itself from the very childhood.People around you help in reinforcing it by teaching you that this is yours and this is of somebody else's. Then even in the school you start treating a particular desk as yours and get upset when you find somebody else is occupying 'your' seat. At that time you may not be knowing the meaning of 'space' but you have the 'intelligence' to recognize what is yours and what is other's. This gradually leads to have your own corner,your own shelf,your own drawer in a cabinet and even your own seat at the dining table in your home! all these things give you a sense of belonging and a kind of reassuarance.
I remember when my mom purchased an artistic cabinet for her cosmetics etc, pointing out to a drawer she said to me,"Posh, this drawer is yours.You may keep anything you want in it."
I was so glad and thrilled! I eagerly opened it. Till this day I remember the strange whiff of smell of wood and french polish which came to me from that drawer!Oh,that small drawer looked so spacious to me at that time! It was as if some piece of wonderland and I was Alice who was entering it! Oh,how carefully I spread a sheet of smooth butterpaper at the base of that drawer! Then slowly many things started finding their place in that drawer-pens,clips,safety pins, hair bands,ribbons,rolls,small toys, a set of playing cards,colourful pebbles,shells, feathers,even an eye of my teddy bear which was plucked off by my brother during a quarrel!.....
Over the years the things in that drawer kept changing according to my age. But it used to be an ordeal whenever time came to replace old things with new. I couldn't dare to throw away the old articles at one go and invariably kept them aside for one or two days before finally puting them in the dustbin with a heavy heart. But some articles doggedly kept put in their place for a long time, for example,some diaries whose pages after 3rd or 4th January were blank, some cuttings from newspapers and magazines of favorite actors, actresses,sportspersons, some greeting cards, friendship bands etc. All this was a treasure trove for me but utter trash for others.
It used to amuse me that not only me bur everybody in the family had his/her own place somewhere in the house. My mom had her kitchen platform, my dad had his rocking chair near a window of his room and even my brother who used to tease me for 'hoarding'all the filthy trash, had his own special corner in his room where he would dump all his sports gear and won't allow the maid to dust that corner!
As I grew old,I started imitating my dad. I was puzzled about his seating the whole evening in his famous rocking chair,rocking it gently and just looking at the sky through the window. Then he looked so relaxed and at peace with himself!His face would soften and he almost looked picturesque!
I remember, when I first aked him about this, he lifted me on to his lap and pointing out to the sky, said,"Look, there is my square of the sky! just sitting here, I can go over there to enjoy a free flight! You too can have your own square of the sky if you want! Everybody can!"
This made me to seat on that chair when he would be away at work. Slowly I started liking that chair, its rhythmatical rocking and then I started relating to the piece of sky that was visible through the window. Gradually its blueness as if started seeping through me. It brought a strange sort of reassuarance, peace and satisfaction alongwith it. I had then a very strange feeling of germinating in myself, becoming me in real sense!
But at the same time I had a guilty feeling of encroaching upon my dad's territory and had to find my own space to capture my handful of sky. I soon got it in my own room. Though the window of my room was partially covered by a hugely grown wisteria, it still allowed me to have a glimpse of my little square of sky. Soon the wisteria also became friendly with me! Its violet flowers smiled at me and its dancing leaves often drew a wonderful design by their shadow on my bed which was adjuscent to the window. Sometimes, even a bold thrush would come to greet me! It sat on the perch, rubbed its beak on the window-pane and after singing a note or two , would say,'good bye'!
But, oh the curse of growing up! I had to leave my home and alongwith it everything precious to me when I went to a different place for a job. In that strange place it became extremely difficult for me to relate to anything. I felt so lost, as if I had lost my own identity!
My mom could somehow read my anguish from my mails. So one day she sent me a message:"Posh, I know you are anguished over there because of not finding your own space. But,baby,just think, can a particular corner really be your space? your own space is never in such things. It is always in your mind. You have an infinite space in your mind. When you look at the sky through a window,you are actually entering the sky of your mind unknown to you at that very time. The tranquility and the bliss which you feel coming from the sky, is actually already there in your mind! The outer sky acts only as a catalyst. Oh,your mind is so vast and all encompassing!Please don't shrink it to a tiny square of a windowpane or a drawer of a cabinet or a corner of a room. Become the sky yourself! Instead of finding refuge in a small corner, widen your horizon, become like a huge tree onto which many birds seek shelter with great reassuarance. always remember the real meaning of space is unlimited region!"
-PORTIA
**************
Everybody wants to have a space of his own,to fly in it whenever wanted,to go away from this mad,mad world, to break away from all the shackles and be free! A space which is only yours and which gives you the real comfortable feeling,where you can have a dialogue with yourself. There you won't have to wear a mask which you usually put on while facing the world full of pretences and filmsy formalities. There you can be real you and be honest with yourself.
But,alas!That space doesn't easily come in your arms how much you may spread them wide! Then your heart sulks in itself and tries to find even a tiny square of sky through a window.
This urge to have some space of your own is but natural and starts expressing itself from the very childhood.People around you help in reinforcing it by teaching you that this is yours and this is of somebody else's. Then even in the school you start treating a particular desk as yours and get upset when you find somebody else is occupying 'your' seat. At that time you may not be knowing the meaning of 'space' but you have the 'intelligence' to recognize what is yours and what is other's. This gradually leads to have your own corner,your own shelf,your own drawer in a cabinet and even your own seat at the dining table in your home! all these things give you a sense of belonging and a kind of reassuarance.
I remember when my mom purchased an artistic cabinet for her cosmetics etc, pointing out to a drawer she said to me,"Posh, this drawer is yours.You may keep anything you want in it."
I was so glad and thrilled! I eagerly opened it. Till this day I remember the strange whiff of smell of wood and french polish which came to me from that drawer!Oh,that small drawer looked so spacious to me at that time! It was as if some piece of wonderland and I was Alice who was entering it! Oh,how carefully I spread a sheet of smooth butterpaper at the base of that drawer! Then slowly many things started finding their place in that drawer-pens,clips,safety pins, hair bands,ribbons,rolls,small toys, a set of playing cards,colourful pebbles,shells, feathers,even an eye of my teddy bear which was plucked off by my brother during a quarrel!.....
Over the years the things in that drawer kept changing according to my age. But it used to be an ordeal whenever time came to replace old things with new. I couldn't dare to throw away the old articles at one go and invariably kept them aside for one or two days before finally puting them in the dustbin with a heavy heart. But some articles doggedly kept put in their place for a long time, for example,some diaries whose pages after 3rd or 4th January were blank, some cuttings from newspapers and magazines of favorite actors, actresses,sportspersons, some greeting cards, friendship bands etc. All this was a treasure trove for me but utter trash for others.
It used to amuse me that not only me bur everybody in the family had his/her own place somewhere in the house. My mom had her kitchen platform, my dad had his rocking chair near a window of his room and even my brother who used to tease me for 'hoarding'all the filthy trash, had his own special corner in his room where he would dump all his sports gear and won't allow the maid to dust that corner!
As I grew old,I started imitating my dad. I was puzzled about his seating the whole evening in his famous rocking chair,rocking it gently and just looking at the sky through the window. Then he looked so relaxed and at peace with himself!His face would soften and he almost looked picturesque!
I remember, when I first aked him about this, he lifted me on to his lap and pointing out to the sky, said,"Look, there is my square of the sky! just sitting here, I can go over there to enjoy a free flight! You too can have your own square of the sky if you want! Everybody can!"
This made me to seat on that chair when he would be away at work. Slowly I started liking that chair, its rhythmatical rocking and then I started relating to the piece of sky that was visible through the window. Gradually its blueness as if started seeping through me. It brought a strange sort of reassuarance, peace and satisfaction alongwith it. I had then a very strange feeling of germinating in myself, becoming me in real sense!
But at the same time I had a guilty feeling of encroaching upon my dad's territory and had to find my own space to capture my handful of sky. I soon got it in my own room. Though the window of my room was partially covered by a hugely grown wisteria, it still allowed me to have a glimpse of my little square of sky. Soon the wisteria also became friendly with me! Its violet flowers smiled at me and its dancing leaves often drew a wonderful design by their shadow on my bed which was adjuscent to the window. Sometimes, even a bold thrush would come to greet me! It sat on the perch, rubbed its beak on the window-pane and after singing a note or two , would say,'good bye'!
But, oh the curse of growing up! I had to leave my home and alongwith it everything precious to me when I went to a different place for a job. In that strange place it became extremely difficult for me to relate to anything. I felt so lost, as if I had lost my own identity!
My mom could somehow read my anguish from my mails. So one day she sent me a message:"Posh, I know you are anguished over there because of not finding your own space. But,baby,just think, can a particular corner really be your space? your own space is never in such things. It is always in your mind. You have an infinite space in your mind. When you look at the sky through a window,you are actually entering the sky of your mind unknown to you at that very time. The tranquility and the bliss which you feel coming from the sky, is actually already there in your mind! The outer sky acts only as a catalyst. Oh,your mind is so vast and all encompassing!Please don't shrink it to a tiny square of a windowpane or a drawer of a cabinet or a corner of a room. Become the sky yourself! Instead of finding refuge in a small corner, widen your horizon, become like a huge tree onto which many birds seek shelter with great reassuarance. always remember the real meaning of space is unlimited region!"
-PORTIA
**************
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